I've been in a season of transition. It has been the most uncomfortable transition I've had to grow through. I'm having to face the grief of losing my grandmother head-on and how to find myself again. In the last month, I have been doing a lot of self-reflection and shadow work. I've been listening to my intuition more and relying on it.

Sunday, I woke up and decided that I was going to start my day with church service. I have a long, complicated history with the church, God, and my spiritual journey. I am in no means a Christian, but I'm also not an atheist. I believe there is a higher power in the Universe. I don't subscribe to religion. I set a resolution New Year's to "attend" church every Sunday. I love to watch Bishop William Murphy of the Dream Center in Atlanta, Ga. I have attended this church a couple of times with my friend and loved the messages he delivered. He doesn't preach in a manner or language that makes you feel isolated, ostracized, or a living abomination.

As I'm watching, I start to open my windows in my living room and light my sage. I wanted to purify my space, my mind, and my soul. Bishop starts to wind down and directs the audience to the scripture, but before he can go into his sermon, one of the singers sings, "Something good is about to happen to you. Something good is about to happen to me. Something God, It's about to happen to me. I am expecting something big. It's already happening. It's mine."

At this point, I'm pacing around my living room, and I can feel the swelling in my chest. I have never experienced this type of emotional outcry in my life. In the middle of my living room, I am repeating the words, waving my hands in the air, and crying. I'm crying as I type this. If you knew everything, I've gone through. If you knew the weight, I would carry on my back. If you knew the losses I've endured. If you knew the amount of pain, I take grieving. If you knew the love I have for those, who don't love me back.

If you just knew my story, you'd understand why every cry I've held in for years poured out my body. The most high was telling me that it was okay. It was okay to release everything that I had been holding in because something big would happen to me. I own it. I receive it. It's already happening. I asked for help to find myself. I asked for peace. I asked for clarity. I asked for love. Everything is happening, and I'm so grateful. I'm so thankful for the lessons I'm learning. I'm grateful for the ability to dig deep and do the work of healing.

I am in no way where I want to be, yet I'm thankful that the clouds are receding, and I'm seeing the light in myself again.

Please continue to love me. Lift me in light. Send me encouraging words. Affirm what I already know: That I am love, and I possess the light to carry me through any thunderstorm.

It's already happening.