Your voice is a powerful tool. Use it.

As children, we often heard our parents or elders say ”Children are to be seen and not heard.” At an early age, we learned to suppress our voices. To silence our thoughts, opinions, and feelings. We were taught that our thoughts and opinions were not valid or valued enough to hear. We were minimized and ridiculed if we spoke up and expressed our thoughts and feelings. This unwritten rule is the centerpoint of a lot of untold trauma.

I don’t know how old I was when I was first told that. I do know that in many cases, i did not obey that rule and would say whatever it was I wanted to get off my chest. That often resulted in me being popped in my mouth. It still didn’t stop me. I was the child who frequently received “U’s” and N’s” in conduct on report cards because I talked to much. Early on, I knew I had a voice and I intended for anyone who would listen to hear it.

However, there were many times in my life where I didn’t use it. I didn’t use it when I was being molested by my older brother. I didn’t use it when I was being physically abused by past partners. I gritted my teeth and didn’t use it when I was being harassed and disrespected by employers. I didn’t use it when people constantly misgendered me and called me the wrong pronouns.

I often see this meme going around saying “I know I’ve grown when I respond “okay” instead of speaking my mind.” I believe that’s the most damaging and gaslighting ideology to have. Just responding “okay” is not a form of growth. It’s a defense tactic to trauma. It’s placing yourself back in the space of being seen but not heard. It’s removing your boundaries you have set for yourself and others.

I recently had a conversation with a friend who had defended herself from her an abusive ex attempting to slander her name and reputation on social media. Her ex posted pictures of her and degraded her entire being. In retaliation, she decided to use her voice to share what she had been enduring for months about physical, emotional, mental, and financial abuse. She was a survivor and oddly, her friends talked her into taking her post down. Again, be seen but not heard.

I asked her did she want to take the post down. She said no. I asked her then why did she? She stated that her friends had convinced her that she was better than that and she didn’t need to put her business out on social media. I asked her why did she decide to put the post up in the first place. She said she wanted people to know what she had endured for months. She wanted them to know that behind the pics and smiles, she was hurting and dying inside. She wanted them to know how she tried and gave her all only to be beat over and over again. I told her to use her voice. The next day, I saw a post from her sharing her story with more confidence. Every comment was from a follower thanking her for sharing her story because they themselves had been through or was going through the same things and they were too scared to speak.

Your voice is a tool for empowerment. It is meant to be used to empower, educate, motivate, console, protect, soothe, and provide love, safety, compassion, and empathy to others. Do not suffocate your voice. Do not be selfish with your voice. Your testimony, wisdom, knowledge is meant for someone to hear, learn, and grow from it.

Now go forth and say it with your chest!